Back Home (Sweet Home)

I’m back in Edinburgh now. I was going to write a post about comparing London to Edinburgh again, and how I’ve now gotten more used to London; however, I’m meeting my friend J. in 15 minutes so I haven’t got time. We’re going to a gig tonight, Das Contras – I’m on the guest list

I don’t think I’ll particularly like their music as it’s some type of Jazz

/me vomits

but the drummer, who shares a flat with my friend J. , used to listen to Pantera and such!

[teenage rebellion]To see, to bleed, cannot be taught

In turn, you’re making us

F***ing hostile[/teenage rebellion]

Insidious Comment Spam

Insidious comment spam has been on the increase in recent weeks, so I thought I post an example so as to make everyone aware of it.

My theory is that these spammers’ strategy is to get a seemingly very harmless post approved, so that in the future, they can just spam my blog without ending up in the moderation queue.

I had two or three last week or so, and another three today. Screenshot below. Don’t approve them, just get rid!

I have some other news but they’ll have to wait till tomorrow. Good news in fact! Might even have to wait a bit longer – I’m going back to Edinburgh tomorrow so it’ll be a stressy day, and in the evening I’ll go to a gig of Das Contras (a friend of mine’s band).

My first 3 months of 2007 have been quite successful BTW, how about yours?

When You Suddenly Realise You’ve Got.To.Do.Something

Over the last few weeks I’ve encountered an ever-increasing number of people between 23 and 27 who suddenly realise they’ve got to do something with their lives. It’s interesting because I went through a similar crisis/phase of anxiety when I was 26/27.

At the time, I had been studying for ages at the University of Cologne, while working part-time throughout in a job that wasn’t particularly ‘me’ or inspiring but that got the money in (mainly in the field of ‘care assistant’, for disabled people and also in an old people’s home). I had been doing this job in one way or other since I was 19, and, even though I was doing English, German, and Scandinavian studies, my entire professional experience and expertise was in the area of a social care job.

After my 26th birthday, I suddenly realised I wanted to get away and start again. This idea wasn’t fully developed at the time and not thought out but I had this urge inside me to leave Cologne and to get away. I took the last bit of speed I had on me and snorted it, before going to the bus station that would take me to London. When I sat on the bus, with my pulse racing and my heart beating, I somehow knew I wasn’t going to come back. While I had planned to stay away for 6 months and then return to finish my studies (I only had a year or so to go), I instead haven’t been back since, apart from some holidays here and there.

The age around your mid twenties, then, seems to be some kind of a first ‘midlife crisis’ – you are no longer a teen and irresponsible, you have likely moved out of your parents’ house, and it’s beginning to dawn on you that this is it now. You urgently feel that you have to start doing something now, because if not, you might end up stuck in a dead-end job/a career you don’t want/without a degree/a druggie with not much experience other than dossing and switching from temp job to temp job.

Being confronted with some people around me currently going through this (not mentioning any names, nae worries ) this made me realise that I too had exactly the same kind of dilemma, and, making the changes that I did and refocussing and switching direction was one of the best things I could have done. Back then, I had a few months where I felt very anxious and panicky. I think it was some kind of existential anxiety as I didn’t have the answer to the question what it was that I wanted to do. There was just this feeling of urgency, of wanting to change stuff, and the realisation that if I didn’t I might end up working forever in the one job where I had considerable professional experience: social care

Some years later, however, it has all fallen into place.

If you’re between 23 and 27 and you recognise some of the above: this is the best time to make changes, and to make them successfully. Sure, you can make changes at any stage in your life. But for some reason, this early midlife crisis and the looming 30th birthday on the horizon is a very good motivator to get you started. It would be a shame to miss it

“Wenn einer in sein dreißigstes Jahr geht, wird man nicht aufhören, ihn jung zu nennen. Er selber aber, obgleich er keine Veränderungen an sich entdecken kann, wird unsicher.”

Ingeborg Bachmann

Just in – Death Threats to Female Blogger

That’s why I put so much emphasis on staying anonymous. OK, my blog won’t ever have as much impact as that of Kathy Sierra, but regular readers of mine will remember two nasty comments that I myself had last year in November and which I’ll paste below again, just so that people realise threatening behaviour via nasty comments is not so unusual!

regsdadg | sdfsda@asdff.fff | IP: 203.208.102.224

Thanks for not answering my ******* questions you ******* stupid *****.
LOL! LOL! LOL! Gee you’ve got it all figured out have you not slut?
Go and paste some cosmetics onto your mug slut. You are nothing. Dr. Cosmetic Slave. Welcome you ****! I hope you get cancer of the ****. You probably will I am sure, but not before a couple of decades of courousing about thinking you are worthwhile. You’re a total ***** if you ask me slut. And guess what! I am on to you.

[edit: aawww. always remember that I have the buttons. There’s no point in insulting me in comments as all comments are emailed to me and I can delete or edit as I please. Bear that in mind next time. TY - lenina]

Nov 29, 9:30 AM — [ Edit | Delete | Unapprove | Approve | Spam ]

regsdadg | sdfsda@asdff.fff | IP: 203.208.102.224

I dont insult you to have it posted publicly you dumb ****. I am simply satisfied you ******* read it and took it in you stupid ******* ****. Eat ****.

[edit: keep ‘em coming - lenina]

Nov 30, 10:20 AM — [ Edit | Delete | Unapprove | Approve | Spam ]

Kathy, I wish you well. Don’t let the b******s grind you down!

How To Increase Blog Traffic – revisited

I’ve decided to revisit my How to Increase Blog Traffic post, not only to get away from my dull introspection of late, but also partly as it’s something that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days.

I don’t monitor my traffic at all, ever since it exploded last year due to the Imogen sex tape post, which was an accidental, or in web 2.0 jargon, viral success.

However, a number of anaj’s recent posts all contain references to blog traffic and her monitoring thereof, so I thought I’d revisit it briefly. Additionally, I wouldn’t mind increasing my own traffic, i.e. to make a conscious effort, particularly, once I relaunch it (in a month or two) as Diary of a Teleworker.

What I want to focus on in the increase is commenting more on other people’s blogs, as well as using more tags. When I first started blogging, I used plenty of tags; however, I started ‘tidying up’ after integrating a variety of widgets into my sidebar. There were simply too many categories and I thought I better strip down to the basics.

This means though that I don’t tag my posts much these days, usually 3-4 tags per post, which isn’t that good in terms of web 2.0 networking. I think that once I relaunch my blog, I’ll definitely make sure that I consciously use some strategies to increase my traffic.

There definitely is a science to it, and here are some links to help you (and I) get started:

• Blog Promotion (@ problogger.net – they also have a job category for professional bloggers! Might be something to look into re: my future telework patchwork portofolio…)
• Get Traffic to your Blog – Top 10 (this is where I was no. 9! Not bad, given I had just started out….)
• How To Increase Blog Traffic – my own post from way back.
• Imogen Sex Tape – the post that started it all

I’m not going to change anything yet though – i.e. I won’t make a conscious effort to increase my traffic until I’m ready for the relaunch.

Should be in about 1-2 months’ time – depending on when I get the letter officially awarding me my doctorate. Since I’ll then finally be able to use my title, I can draw a proper line under Life After PhD

The London Crowd, or, My Blog is Getting Quite Boring

At the moment, I’m confronted with some personal issues (nothing bad – nae worries ) which is why my blog is probably a bit boring at the moment. I’m stuck in a London flat with my BF and hardly ever leave it, which is why everything is kind of turning to the inside.

When we went to see Maximo Park two days ago, we went with some of my BF’s friends and we went to their flat afterwards and stayed there until sunrise. It was a very strange experience. It’s not that I don’t like the people, but I simply don’t have much in common with them. For example, this guy, Harvey, turned up at around 3AM. He was completely drunk and stoned and only finished about 50% of all his sentences. I actually made an effort to get to know him and he had an interesting background. He’s half-Norwegian and even lived in Oslo for 3 years when he was 19. His second name is ‘Inger’ and his surname is Norwegian too (can’t remember it though). It was quite funny and we talked in Norwegian for a bit – I studied the language for a bit while at the University of Cologne.

When we left, he told me ‘Jeg elsker deg‘ – he was well doped up – and he tried to kiss me on the mouth etc. so I think he fancied me a bit – there again, he was touching every girl up that night

The point of this entry though is that I’m finding it difficult to relate to people who (a) have a different worldview to me and (b) whatever they come out with, I think is ludicrous or bullsh*t and (c) whose livestyle is so far away from my own. I don’t mean to be judgemental, it’s just very odd. Take this girl E. for example. She’s 23 and genuinely nice and loving. However, she has a very black & white view of the world, very idealistic (e.g. hates ‘wanky students’, hates evil capitalists, hates ‘rude people’) and is quite what we call ‘hippie dippie’. Whereas I am quite rational, grounded, realistic, and don’t like this spiritual shite or this lovey-dovey stuff. I don’t mind ‘rude people’ as I don’t see it that way most of the time. I do think capitalism is evil but I’ve learnt over the years that it’s more nuanced and the world isn’t black & white.

Maybe I have sold out, or maybe I’ve just grown up. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I’ve always worked hard but also played hard. However, there are some people, e.g. my BF’s London crowd (including E. and her mother), who seem to only play hard. For instance, I felt somewhat uncomfortable when talking about all the stuff I’ve done in the last 5 years (I hadn’t seen them in 5 years) because they don’t seem to have done much other than play.

So, 5 years pass…. wooooooooosh……..

and they still play hard

and I’ve achieved so much in the same time (done 2 degrees – one MA and one PhD, moved to Edinburgh, bought a house, travelled and lived abroad, etc.). So when I want to talk about my stuff, I do it, but at the same time nothing much comes back and I feel like a show-off. This Harvey looked at me funny and implied that I was a rich middle-class wanky student, when I’m not.

Like, when I see my friends in Edinburgh, we always talk about what stuff we’ve been up to, and I’m so excited for them when they go the next step or achieve something (find a new job, get a new flat, organise an open mic night or whatever) and it also pushes and motivates me to do new stuff. I need this slight edge of competition in my life, where I see my friends doing something, achieving and progressing, and so I step up to the mark and in return do something new.

It’s nothing to do with capitalist success or sell-out – I don’t know any high-flyer or rich bastards and none of my friends has a middle-class background (apart from P. maybe). We’re just all enjoying life and want to do something with it, and push forward and upwards.

And this is where the problem lies with the London crowd. They don’t seem to have the same motivation to push forward, to get somewhere else or somewhere new. Not even in their own way.

So, 5 years pass…. wooooooooosh……..

and they still play hard

And I feel quite uncomfortable at times because I don’t fit in. I don’t mind partying every once in a while, maybe each month, but that’s about it. I’m finding it hard to find topics of conversation and also, I find myself disagreeing with a lot of stuff they come out with. So I have the choice to either disagree constantly or to just nod and shut up for the sake of harmony.

It’s difficult to explain.

I find myself walking the line between dipping into a certain lifestyle (getting wasted) every now and then but at the same time needing to keep my distance from that sort of life, because, to be perfectly honest,

I despise it.

EDIT: I’ve just found a cool article suggesting why you should surround yourself with happy people, where happiness is defined as the ability to think logically (i.e. not as this lovey dovey hippie shite of the London crowd – they do strike me as deeply unhappy underneath):

Happines is associated most heavily with the left (i.e. logical) side of the brain, while anger is associated with the right (emotional, non-logical) side of the brain. From a Society for Neuroscience article on Bliss and the Brain:

“Furthermore, studies suggest that certain people’s ability to see life through rose-colored glasses links to a heightened left-sided brain function. A scrutiny of brain activity indicates that individuals with natural positive dispositions have trumped up activity in the left prefrontal cortex compared with their more negative counterparts. “

In other words, happy people are better able to think logically.

So, there is some science to my ‘feelings’ after all – I always thought ‘happy’ ~ hippie (emotions). I’m so glad that ‘happy’ scientifically ~ the ability to think logically! I’m happy after all   — I knew it

Maximo Park Gig – review

I went to see Maximo Park yesterday at the Scala in Kings Cross and it was great! Just £3 entry (!!) but then again it was a club gig and not a proper gig, so they played just 7 songs:

1. Girls who play guitars
2. My velocity
3. Graffiti
4. Books from boxes
5. Apply some pressure
6. Limassol
7. encore: The coast is always changing

It was excellent – Paul Smith was really enthusiastic and the venue was quite small, probably unlike on their upcoming tour where they’ll be playing in much bigger venues – they were full of energy and me and my friend A. were right at the front throughout. The audience was cool too – a good mix of gay people (Friday is the club’s gay night) and alternative crowd, most very excited and full of passion about the band and overall a good post-punk crowd, most likely ’studenty’ thank god! One of my BF’s friends slagged the entire crowd off, saying they were so rude for pushing her etc. when we were in the middle of the pit. WTF?

I’ve been to very many live gigs, mostly punk/hardcore/indie, over the last 18 years or so, and the type of stuff that I liked has always been big in certain circles, often politically conscious or thoughful, and often, has had an alternative left angry crowd that does involve a good deal of anger and no hippy love. I think that postpunk is probably more sanitised and middle-class than raw punk, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I often get the impression that non-students for some reason look down on ’sanitised studenty pricks’ (which is what my BF’s friends called them), though I don’t quite understand why (envy? fear of the unknown? immaturity?). It made me realise that I’m a world apart from some of my BF’s friends because I guess I’m one of the types of people that in reality his friends detest. Students aren’t necessarily pricks, and not necessarily middle-class or sanitised. It really annoys me when the uneducated judge students just because we’re students and so in return I’m judging them (see the use of ‘uneducated’ – I’m doing it on purpose) 

I like a dirty rock’n'roll bar, a punkrock gig, but also more mainstream arty post-punk stuff. Yesterday taught me that gigs nowadays are not so different from the ones I used to go to all those years ago. The crowd was on average younger than me, but like me they too had enthusiasm and passion for a great band, and the energy feeding back to the band from the crowd and vice versa was really raw.

Totally my kind of thing.

Great band too

A. has arrived, Maximo Park gig

Our friend A. arrived today. He’s staying until next Thursday.

We’re going to the Maximo Park gig tonight.

This post is backdated

Who Wants My Money?

I’ve never been in debt and always pay my three credit cards on time. I’m on the electoral roll and am overall a good citizen, with a decent* regular wage check being paid into my account each month.

However, it seems that credit card institutions and banks don’t want my business! I applied for an ASDA credit card last year, which for some reason was rejected (w00t). Today, I tried opening a current account with Abbey just so that I have a separate account for wages of future freelance work. No luck though – the decision has been referred to some central office. WTF?

The woman advisor helping with my application (with a horrible common London/Essex accent) was a bit thick I think. First, she couldn’t find me on the electoral roll. Total BS, I am in fact on the electoral roll and have been for 5 years. I even googled it myself (you can check it for free on 192.com) and I am on it! Yes I am! So I think her thickness got in the way of operating the computer properly.

In any case, my application has been ‘referred’, which means within 24 hours they’ll let me know the outcome. I may even be asked to provide additional proof of income, including bank statements etc. w00t.

w00t

w00t

How humiliating. I really wonder why these financial institutions and companies don’t want my money.

*decent as in: I manage. I certainly don’t have any money to burn!

Doing it all for Equality

Today I choose to use the same title as anaj in her blog post, because I too did my bit for equality today: I laid the carpet in my BF’s flat’s hallway. We had started doing it together yesterday, but I cannae work with someone who works against me and who doesn’t have a method to their madness – I do! I have good faith in my DIY skills, I even laid laminate in my kitchen last year.

It is very difficult these days to call yourself a ‘feminist’ as most people (including my BF) think that feminists are women who want to cut off men’s d*cks and who are generally men-haters. Whenever an issue such as domestic violence comes up on the telly, my BF gets rather defensive tells me that it’s the men, not women, who are oppressed in today’s society and he argues that women have all the power. He tells me everything is biased towards women. Maybe he extrapolates this power imbalance from our relationship onto the whole of society

I don’t really like labels but of all labels, the only one that would apply to me is that of feminist. However, I do not want to cut men’s penises off, nor do I hate men. I just want to be able to do what I want to do, and often, I happen to be better at things than my BF, hence, I take over. It’s not a biological issue, I am in awe of some men and always have been . I consider myself an alpha-female. And the carpet’s looking pretty good

/me loses a great percentage of my blog’s readership