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Today was yet another slow one, to the point of being confronted with myself. Help 😛
I went for a walk, thinking of the Cure – song, ‘The Top’
this top is the place where nobody goes
I walked up a hill and really was all by myself. Taking my journal (the one I had also taken to Shetland) and wrote down some stuff! by! hand!
Not sure whether I was really close to myself and in touch with my true thoughts, or in some sort of regression brought about by being contacted by some guy via wer-kennt-wen who I used to snog and cuddle with (not shag though). A very pretty punk boy, and me thinking of how I used to snog all these cute boys/men even though it’s 15 years ago. I even w***ed one of them off in some field in a village, the warm c*m all over my hand. I wasn’t even drunk at the time – I just used to do all sorts of things as I was hungry to learn.
How it was really all quite cool, and handwriting combined with the message from this guy, and being in the country (as opposed to in a city where I usually live) brought back this younger, deeper version of myself. I don’t think I’m that deep these days, since I hardly get time to actually reflect and really think. I don’t mind not thinking, though I do miss it. These days my brain processes stuff, but I’m not deep. The ironic thing is that I don’t mind, since I’m no longer deep (it’s a bit of a catch-22). If I had time to be deep, I would mind. Maybe having no time is how people are switched off into compliance and acquiescence with life – who knows.
The good thing is that I can get back there (back from mere processing of information to thinking and reflecting) as today has made me realise – for the first time in what must be 8 years or so 😐
If nothing else, I’ve got today’s handwritten journal entry and this post to prove it 😉
How to be Happy 